13/10/2020 - But What Does My Practice Even Mean?

'But What Does 'My Practice' Even Mean? '

Those terms you just cant wrap your head around...

I'd like to think I've settled into the first term of my BAPP now. I'm reading through the handbooks, having a nosy at the groups blogs and taking in their thoughts and observations, whilst starting to research and question my own, and it all seems to be going swimmingly. Too swimmingly.....

'Something must be wrong, surely I'm doing something wrong?' . There isn't. So naturally, I create a problem. An anxious mind LOVES a problem! 

This term, 'My Practice' begins to play on my mind. I come across it several times through reading the handbook, I see it in the tasks and learning objectives, I can even comprehend its meaning in this context. But then I begin to think about My Practice, and my mind falls apart. I've forgotten what it means, I've forgotten what I'm thinking about,  my direction, how and what I will write about, but what does 'My practice' even MEAN?! I begin to 'wig' myself out, get overwhelmed and stress and direct my entire focus onto something that at this stage as Adesola tells me, I'm not necessarily going to know. 

This first module, she explains, is to aid you in navigating the areas in which you wish to explore because they are personal to you, and through this journey, you begin to articulate through various mediums the answer to what you wish your practice to be. You wont typically understand what makes up your practice until you begin to question some of the theories and think about how they make you feel and the thoughts they fire up in response. I can understand all of this, and she is correct, these processes have started to naturally develop as I wade through the information that is being fed to me, but what is it about this term 'Practice' that is throwing me off? 

'Perhaps its just the word?' My sister says to me, during one of our daily chats where she momentarily becomes my therapist. (Saved me thousands over the years, highly recommend). 'No I know the word, I'm not an idiot!' I reply. She goes onto explain that although she would debate on whether I am an idiot, she means to say that perhaps the word itself is something I'm allowing myself to get in a tiz about, 'You should just change it to a word you're more familiar with, that your mind feels comfortable with, but still relates the term Practice, like Specialism. Or, even a phrase that you use each time you come across the term Practice, which allows your mind to become more and more familiar with its meaning.' We came up with the following...

My Practice = A dancer who specializes within the education and activism sector. 

Although not limited to, this for me is the starting point or the foundation of which I feel as though I can now begin to develop my practice, as this a phrase I can understand and articulate, and rather than feel a sense of confusion and worry when I come across this term, I now feel a sense of confidence.