Short and Sweet

Coming into my second term at Middlesex, I have been able to reflect on the first module. Areas where I felt strong and confident in what I was doing, and areas in which I felt I had room to learn. 

An area in which I felt I needed to dedicated more time and focus towards was my interaction with the course and other students. Through the blogs, discussion groups and (COVID allowing) Campus Days. In my first time, I focused my attention largely on my research project, this included my essay and the unpacking of my understanding of what my practice involved. Part of the reason I did this was due to the fact that once I began researching and reading, I enjoyed and engulfed myself within in. 

As enriching as this was and beneficial to me in terms completing the tasks set for the module, it meant I was struggling to find a balance between this and my 'active involvement' with the course. Because of this, I am unable to evaluate how my progression was affected, or perhaps just my experience of learning on the BAPP. 

It was noted in my feedback by my supervisor that for module two, interaction would enhance my learning and I should try to increase this. And so this is me, navigating a balance. 

Something I know about myself and my character is that intrinsically, I am shy and concerned with how I am perceived by others. Often this consumes my thoughts and in the past has prevented me from putting myself 'out there'. I think initially (and to an extent still do), the idea of putting my thoughts onto a public forum made me feel vulnerable. The idea of being judged was a nightmare to me. 

However, part of the reason I began this course was to challenge myself, and my understanding of my ability, what I could 'bring to the table'. With this, I remind myself that with whatever I do, regardless of the setting, someone will judge me and that is a part of existing within a society. 

I have therefore come to steer away from factors that are out of my control (other peoples thoughts and opinions of me), and rather draw focus to what I can control. When it comes to my levels of interaction, to avoid feeling overwhelmed and then ignoring it altogether, keeping things short and sweet but regular is a method I can use to ensure I am maintaining a balance. 

I am hoping, the more often I practice the habit of this, the easier approaching the engagement of the online community will become.